A lot’s been happening on my blog the last few days. To think that when I started this blog, I thought no one would read!
First of all, I cannot write another word until I thank you all (both my blogging friends and supportive readers) for the tremendous amount of kindness you’ve all shown to me—especially in these past two days. I am actually really happy a few negative anonymous comments were left on my blog, because they triggered so many amazingly kind comments in response.
On to not-so-fun territory that unfortunately must be covered. At first, I was planning to not address the anonymous comments. After all, I know I am healthy and happy, so what does it matter to me if a stranger wishes to assume I’m not? And it’s not like I’ve never heard people tell me before that I look skeletal; I’ve learned to deal with that too and let the insult slip off my shoulders.
However, upon giving it further thought, I realized that as someone who’s chosen to publish information to the public, I do have a responsibility. Like it or not, the words I write on my blog have the potential to influence others. And the last (beyond last) thing I want is for someone to develop an eating disorder—or become more deeply entrenched in an eating disorder—because of me. Therefore, by choosing to make my life public on this blog, I guess I owe it to you—my readers—to give you all more information about me so that no one can turn around and say to a parent, doctor, or friend, “But CCK doesn’t eat much and is underweight, and if she’s allowed to be that way, then I can be too.” So here is more about me than most of you probably ever wanted to know:
Do I eat a low-calorie diet? Not on your life! I won’t get into numbers, because I know people can get obsessive about that (and also, I don’t count calories). But I can tell you that I eat A LOT—more than my parents, more than my girl friends, more than my sister, etc. Because I’m so little and so active, I need to take in quite a lot of fuel. For example, I normally eat two breakfasts—a pre-run breakfast and a post-run breakfast. (My sister has taken to calling me “Hobbit” because the hobbits in Lord of the Rings eat two breakfasts and lots of snacks.) I then eat lunch, an afternoon snack, dinner, and a nighttime snack. I never skip meals.
(More on my eating habits can be found on the Chocolate-Covered Katie FAQ Page.)
I know I’m lucky that I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. If I want to have a cupcake, I’m going to have a cupcake—no guilt involved. That being said, if I want to have a salad, I’m going to have a salad. But be assured that if you see me eating a salad, I have accounted for it by taking in extra fuel at other meals/snacks. I do not eat only salad all day. Yes, much of my diet is very healthy—fruits, vegetables, healthy fats, etc. I refuse to let someone guilt me into stuffing down a regular diet of five cupcakes a day just because it’ll make him or her feel better about him or her self. If you have such low self-esteem that seeing me gorge on junk food is going to make you feel better, then the issue is with you, not me. I don’t mean to state this bluntly, but I can’t seem to find a nicer way to put it. I do not shy away from the healthy fats– peanut butter and coconut, in particular, are two of my favorite foods.
So how do I know I am eating enough? Well, I make sure to eat when I’m hungry (intuitive eating) and I don’t exclude any food groups, but I also try not to go more than three hours without eating something, as I know people who are active sometimes need to take in calories even when they’re not hungry. I definitely believe one should listen to one’s body and eat when hungry. I also think that if you’re truly craving a particular food, you should eat it because life is short and should therefore be enjoyed to the fullest. You do not want to look back on your life when you’re old and think to yourself, “Gosh, I wish I’d been more lenient in my diet. I wish I’d eaten more cake!”
When I first started running, back in high school, I did unintentionally overdo it by running too much without upping my food intake enough, and I lost weight without realizing it. So I cut back on the running and learned how to more properly fuel my active lifestyle. If you’re interested, I wrote more about that here: Chocolate-Covered Katie: My Health Scare.
I know all of you anonymous commenters want to know exactly how much I weigh now. But I’m not going to feed into anyone’s eating disorder or number obsessions. My doctor thinks I’m healthy, my family thinks I’m healthy, and I think I’m healthy. So please do not leave insults on my blog using the guise that “you’re trying to help me.” I’m pretty sure it’s a wiser thing for me to listen to my doctor than to take the “well-meaning” advice of some anonymous commenter I don’t even know.
Why do I run, bike, and exercise in general if I’m already so skinny? I do it to be healthy and because I love being active. Initially, a coach told me I would be a good runner and got me interested in running. Nowadays, I just run for fun—I don’t even keep track of the amount of miles I run. I’ll get up in the mornings and run for about an hour then walk for a few minutes to cool down. I don’t go every day; it’s more like 4-5 times a week, as I want to give my body time to rest. I also do some weight-lifting to strengthen my bones (and I wouldn’t complain about getting some bigger arm muscles!). I love to ride my bike as well, because A. it saves gas money, B. it is better for the environment, and C. it’s fun! But as I said, I do take all of this exercise into account when I decide how much to eat. If I really wasn’t taking in the proper nutrition, I doubt I’d have the energy to be as active as I am.
My grandma and my mom were both my size growing up (I have pictures to prove it!), and they are both very physically healthy ladies to this day (my grandma is 86!).
For some reason, it’s taboo to tell someone he or she is overweight, but not to tell him or her “You look sick/skeletal/ill.” What is your goal in leaving cruel, anonymous comments on my blog? I’m going to turn the tables and suggest something to you: Instead of spending your free time putting people down on their blogs, why don’t you spend that time volunteering for a worthy cause. Believe me, it’ll make you feel much better about yourselves, and it’s a much more noble way to spend time!
P.S. If you do have a genuine concern or interest, I’m always available. If you feel self-conscious, you can leave a comment anonymously, as I don’t require you to leave a blog name.
Also, I do not mean to offend anyone who does have an eating disorder, be it anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, etc. Although I can’t say I personally know what you’re going through, I know an eating disorder is a serious illness. If anyone who reads this blog ever feels offended by anything I post, please don’t hesitate to email me and let me know, and I will try to remedy it. I don’t want to add to the pain or suffering you may be experiencing.